Over the past years, the main issue I have faced is over-identification, which often left me with a fixed mindset. Additionally, my over-identification often came with a lack of awareness of my associations and myself. Over- identification can be described as when an individual tends to excessively identify with their characteristics or qualities. For example, previously, I believed that people who marketed themselves online were a little narcissistic and crooked. On the other hand, I identified as a decent or more benevolent individual, which prohibited me from offering my services to people who needed them desperately.
The main issue with over-identification is that it leaves us with a fixed mindset, over-labelling, and puts us in specific categories, which in return only limits an individual. As a result of the over-identification, an individual might start to believe that they are incapable of progressing in life. In other words, the issue is that exaggerated identification often leads to negative consequences in different areas and can be highly destructive or unproductive. Besides, over-identification often leaves an individual in rumination about their inadequacies, which can put more emphasis on an individual’s shortcomings.
One of my favourite spiritual teachers is Eckhart Tolle, who wrote a book called The Power of Now. The book mentioned has had a significant impact on my perspective on life and my chosen approach. According to Tolle, identification is often the root cause of suffering, especially if someone has a strong identification with their mind. Excessive identification with one’s mind can, the majority of the time, lead to compulsive thoughts. Besides, identification often leads to constructing unclear concepts, labels, images, words, judgements, and relationships that might sabotage a genuine relationship with life or a feeling of aliveness.
The feeling of aliveness often emerges when someone can be more present in each moment, which is difficult for the members of our current society. Additionally, an excess identification with our minds, thoughts, preferences, judgements, and interpretations leads to less awareness of ourselves and others. The reduction of identification might lead to a greater level of awareness of thought patterns and other views held, which brings more presence and stillness. Consequently, an individual that is able to lessen their identification with various matters might be able to adopt a growth mindset easier, which is beneficial for our progression in life. However, the power of presence leads to emotional releases and required to obtain more growth.
- Once a week, sit still with your eyes open for at least fifteen minutes with the alarm clock on, but accept everything that might emerge from sadness, grief, irritation, etc.
2. Isha Kriya Meditation
- The Isha Kriya meditation is the most conducive method for beginners to become stiller and more conscious. Disclaimer, be open to the process instead of judging or denying.
3. Set up Five Alarms Throughout the Day to Focus on Your Breath
- Our breath is the most potent tool for embodying more presence. Remember to breathe through your diaphragm or deep belly breathing.
Identity is more malleable than we believe, and identity shifts should be encouraged instead of shamed or criticised.
From the beginning of childhood, we have been subjected to ideals. Additionally, several of these idealise are often delusions. Besides, we often internalise these ideals and attempt to live accordingly to them, which also constructs our perspectives, attitudes, behaviours, and path in life. On the other hand, these ideals are not entirely negative, and the majority of the time, they contribute to intentionally or unintentionally make us develop and grow. The ideals are often influenced or constructed by individuals or circumstances we have developed an admiration for, which can either be conducive or prevent an individual from reaching their goals.
The main reason ideals can be conducive for an individual’s growth is that it contributes to clarity and a reason for improvement. Based on personal experience, ideals contributed to a solid moral compass in adulthood, which has been beneficial for my progress in various areas of life. For example, my internalised ideals forced me to become a more inventive, professional, and compassionate individual. The ideals or figures I have internalised throughout my childhood, adolescence, and adulthood have been parental figures, superheroes, and spiritual teachers. On the other hand, these figures structured an ego ideal that has heavily influenced my behaviours and standards for myself. Ego ideal is a psychoanalytic term used to describe an aspect of our personality or ego that often identifies with parental standards, which often are traits an individual sincerely admires and desire to emulate. Also, the process of identification or structuring of the ideals happens unconsciously during the early years of development.
The issue with ideals often is that they can prevent or sabotage individuals to pursue their desires, advancements, people, etc. Mainly, the ideal often portrays an unrealistic or deluded image of people that are admired. As a result, the extreme idealisation contributes to feelings of guilt or shame each time we fall short of that exemplary state, which is impossible to maintain in the long term. The excess feelings of guilt or shame can often lead to self-sabotage because one might begin to believe or feel a level of unworthiness. On the other hand, if we adopt a more realistic or less deluded perception of the people we admire, respect, and love, they are removed from the pedestal we have unconsciously placed them on.
Decreasing ideals often allows us to adopt a more comprehensive view and become more understanding of each individual we encounter. Simultaneously, a more comprehensive perspective often develops a larger capacity for tolerance and acceptance. Based on personal experience, the newly adopted perspective often allows us to view the idealised people in our lives as imperfect. On the other hand, the view of imperfection also develops a level of hope and reassurance that despite our failures or shortcomings, we are capable of reconciliation and worthy of achieving our aspirations. Last of all, the world and universe we live in is highly complex, and the majority of the time, we are only able to view a small part of others’ lives, backgrounds, and upbringings. In other words, allow yourself and other people some amount of grace.
How to stop Idealising others?
The main challenge we all encounter is limiting beliefs, which can often destroy, sabotage, or prohibit us from reaching our full potential. Besides, our beliefs are often not even our own because they are often conditioned by our environment and the people in them. Additionally, these beliefs are often instilled in us from societal and cultural conditioning, which heavily relies on our country of origin or where we choose to live later in life. An example of a generic limiting belief is an individual that is controlled by feelings of inadequacies that has several roots. The origin of these feelings of inadequacies often stems from our upbringing and, most of the time is further perpetuated because of a lack of awareness.
These limiting beliefs often emerge in different relationships with various figures that can evoke unconscious patterns and dynamics from our pasts. The emergence of these unconscious patterns or dynamics is often referred to as transference. Transference can be described as the misdirection of feelings or desires onto other individuals that have no relevance to these emotions and often originates from relationships with significant characters from our lives. For example, these dynamics or patterns are often developed through our relationship with our parental figures, siblings, or other significant figures. The main challenge with transference often is the ability to become conscious of their origin or when they are evoked in a different settings or relationships, which can often lead to either a reinforcement or deconstruction of those patterns, dynamics, or beliefs. Disclaimer, please visit a credible psychotherapist if you are interested in this specific approach!
Limiting beliefs often prohibits individuals from progressing in life, which is often due to a state of mind or belief. Additionally, these beliefs are self-judgments that are perceived as factual and often come with ramifications. The ramifications often can be self-sabotaging, especially when an opportunity emerges to develop your skills or any other forms of life experiences. For example, suppose an individual has developed a belief that they are too inadequate to participate in an intimate relationship. In that case, they most likely will not take advantage of an opportunity to be in one due to their unconscious beliefs. Hence, developing self-awareness and self-esteem is essential to progress in life, in combination with becoming conscious of biases about oneself and others.
Three methods to become conscious of limiting beliefs!
In the recent five years, I have spent some time in contemplation and solitude, which has impacted the direction of my life. Also, I have realised the importance of stillness and how much it can impact an individual's wellbeing and psyche. Stillness can often be achieved during solitude but demands an individual to deal with their unconscious and emotional residues of the past. The path to stillness often demands cathartic releases due to the undealt or poorly managed unconscious conflicts, which often leaves an individual with various suppressed or repressed emotions. Specifically, feelings of frustration or various forms of tension can often prohibit an individual from reaching a calm state.
Calmness or stillness is not similar to apathy, and often our current society mistakes apathetic states for an elevated level of consciousness. The term apathy can be described as a lack of feelings, emotions, eagerness, and concern for others or anything. Moreover, individuals who suffer from an apathetic state have entirely neglected their emotional life by suppressing distressing emotions or other elevated emotions. An apathetic individual's main issue is feelings depletion, which often leads to poor decision-making because of a lack of concern, passion, care, and absence of interest in most social, emotional, and physical aspects of their life. Additionally, individuals who suffer from an apathetic state often lack a sense of purpose or meaning in their life. Last of all, individuals that suffer from an apathetic state are often at greater risk for mortality, and some reach severe levels of apathy, which can often lead to institutionalisation. The apathetic state can also be connected to a lower quality of wellbeing and life.
The stillness I am referring to often emerges after appropriately dealing with experiences of traumatic events and the emotional residues that are often left behind. On the other hand, the stillness has increased the connection to the Self and brought clarity to my life path. The Self is often constructed by both the unconscious and conscious aspect of an individual's psyche and is often considered as the entire personality. Additionally, Jung emphasised that the Self is present from birth, but the ego often develops during the early stages of life. On the other hand, the Self is equally seeking to fulfil biological drives and advance spiritually because it has contained transcendent qualities. The main purpose of the Self is to make an individual complete and developed, which the health of one's ego is dependent on.
For the majority of individuals, their relationship with the Self often further develops during their late twenties or early thirties. The main reason individuals develop a stronger relationship to the Self is because the first stage of life is often governed by the ego and the person's development, which supports navigating and functioning in the external world. However, the development of the ego and persona also comes with excessive projections, and often projecting negative attributes onto others. Despite the projections of negative attributes, individuals will also project positive attributes or idealise others.
The Self often demands decreasing the number of projections from an individual and integrating these lesser or desired attributes into oneself. In other words, the Self demands an individual to integrate various aspects of their personality and often leads to a higher level of consciousness. On the other hand, few individuals are able to obtain such a level of consciousness or even progress in the individuation process. The individuation process refers to the development of the personality to become complete, which is achieved through becoming more aware of the personal and collective unconscious. Additionally, the process also requires integrating the content but is often almost an entirely natural process that functions on a personal and fitting time for each individual.
The Journey is long and odd, soooo kick back your feet and enjoy it!
becaThe current society always emphasises rationalism and often denies other forms of approaches. Additionally, if individuals attempt to take a different approach, they often get gaslighted, shamed, passively-aggressively attacked, etc. According to Jung, rationalism is one of the most significant issues of our time because rationalism often attempts to convey that it has most of the answers. Additionally, Jung emphasised that the current members of society often highly identify with their consciousness, which limits the individual’s comprehension of themselves exclusively to self-knowledge. On the other side, Jung mentioned that the mythic aspect of humans had been discredited and forgotten, which has led to a lack of space for fables or creative outlets. As a result of the absence of fables and creative outlets, current society and individuals often miss significant aspects of life. The significant aspects are often perceived as incomprehensible topics that are often neglected, such as myths or stories.
The incomprehensible topics that are often neglected due to lack evidence or can be perceived as anthropomorphic projections. However, Jung emphasised that we as individuals should not neglect a topic because it either proceeds our comprehension or cannot be comprehended logically. The over-identification with the intellect in current society has led to categorising mythologies as pointless speculations or, at best, as theories. On the other hand, to emotions, mythologies often contribute to healing and have a valid process, which often gives our existence a glamour that we cannot exist without. Hence, members of different societies often increase life quality, which leads to improvements in emotional states, sensibility, and even feelings of tranquillity. I have to inform you that Jung wrote about this topic regarding life after death in his book Memories, Dreams, Reflections. The chapter where Jung focused upon life after death was mainly influenced by his bitterness over the rationalist’s excessive reductive view on the afterlife.
A man should be able to say he has done his best to form a conception of life after death, or to create some images of it – even if he must confess his failure. Not to have done so is a vital loss.
~ C.G. Jung