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Most people are unconscious of the inner child and how it affects their lives. The inner child is the part of us that is wounded and needs healing. It is the part of us that feels voiceless, powerless, and alone. When we have unresolved issues from childhood, they can lead to unhealthy patterns in our adult lives. Fortunately, there is a way to heal the wounds of the past and that is through inner child work.
Inner child work can be done in many ways, but the most important thing is to be gentle with yourself. This type of work can emotionally trigger memories that you may have forgotten. It is important to go at your own pace and not to force anything. The goal is to gradually begin to heal the wounds of the past so that you can live a more fulfilling life in the present. One way to start inner child work is to journal about your childhood. To elaborate, write about the difficult and positive periods of your life, which entails relationships with your parents and siblings, fears, and aspirations. This is a way to begin to connect with your inner child and to start to understand and identify its needs. Another way to do inner child work is to imagine yourself as a child. Visualise yourself in different situations and imagine what you would say or do. This is a way to start to give voice to your inner child. Nevertheless, inner child work can be difficult but beneficial, especially, when you are able to heal the wounds of your past. Lastly, internal work will lead to living a more authentic, joyful, and peaceful life. How can I do inner child work? There are many ways to go about doing inner child work. Some people prefer to journal, others to use visualisation, and still, others to use various forms of art. Ultimately, the best way to do inner child work is what feels right for you. If you're not sure where to start, here are a few ideas:
The benefits of doing inner child work are many. Some of the most common benefits include:
In Analytical Psychology, emphasis on contrasting elements is often made because they argue that opposing elements are the fundamental structures of our psyche. Additionally, Jung himself emphasised that life often is born due to the existence of opposites. Besides, contrasting elements are required to develop conflict and tension for energy production to generate dynamism and momentum. The individuation process depends on the tension developed by contrasting and complementary relationships; these elements often emerge to contribute to integration and greater psychic balance. To elaborate, the integration process is mainly meant to combat one-sidedness or dominant unhealthy psychological attitudes. Hence, the psyche can move from disequilibrium to equilibrium through compensation and a balance of contrasts.
The main reason for mentioning opposing elements or contrasts is to develop a greater level of appreciation. To elaborate, when our lives are continuously filled with success, achievements, love or positives, we often take things for granted. Last of all, becoming conscious of these factors might lead to a more comprehensive understanding of one’s circumstances and the lessons demanding to be learned to avoid repeating the same patterns. There are two different types of psycho-physiological states that often influence our ability to sustain change or improve our learning processes. Additionally, these psycho-physiological states are often referred to as PEA (Positive emotional attractor) and NEA (Negative emotional attractor). The two emotional attractors influence our thought patterns, feelings, and behaviours. Besides, these two psycho-physiological states comprise different psychological, emotional, neurological, and physiological traits. The positive emotional attractor activates the parasympathetic nervous system and beneficial cognitive and physiological responses, cultivating and improving optimism, motivation, resilience, thinking, creativity, adaptive behaviour, and effort. On the other hand, the negative emotional attractor activates the sympathetic nervous system, evokes fear and anxiety, and further fuels negative thought patterns, leading to pessimism, catastrophising, and cognitive distortion. Hence, our capacity to learn or sustain change significantly decreases when our sympathetic nervous system is activated, making us less physically capable of developing, learning, or improving our behaviour for more benefit. As mentioned in the previous paragraph, the positive emotional attractor activates the parasympathetic nervous system and leads to a physiological response that invokes relaxation and receptivity. As a result of entering the parasympathetic nervous system, new neural pathways develop in the brain and contribute to enhancing learning and sustaining behavioural change. On the other hand, there must be a balance between the negative and positive emotional attractors because both are required for growth and self-development. However, a balance between the amount of time used in each state is needed to promote growth, and the context is equally vital for the effectiveness. The positive emotional attractor can often help an individual become receptive to seeking out possibilities and feel excited to change an aspect of their life, influencing how consistent they can be with the new habit or change. The most significant aspect of change is staying consistent with the new habit or behaviour. Additionally, the majority often struggle with consistency more than any other aspect of changing their behaviour or habits. Hence, the question becomes how an individual might maintain a level of consistent action or behaviour, which is connected to the balance between being in the positive and negative emotional attractor. To sustain a change or develop a more lucrative learning process, it is recommended that individual experiences the positive emotional attractor approximately two to five times more frequently than the negative emotional attractor. As a result of the positive experience, the parasympathetic nervous system is activated, and new neural pathways are easier to develop to sustain behavioural changes. 1. Ideal Self
3. Experience PEA deliberately and more frequently
For most of our lives, we often perform the same tasks daily or more frequently. Hence, several often feel stagnant, stuck, or bored because they have to perform the same task daily, which often can be perceived as repetitive or boring. On the other hand, if we want to improve our skills, abilities, etc., we must perform tasks frequently and repetitively. On the other hand, deliberate practice is required if we desire to improve our lives and requires delayed gratification. Deliberate practice often refers to a practice that is often executed systematically and intentionally, which is often conducted to improve one’s performance. Additionally, deliberate practice requires a continuous and repetitive practice of behaviour, action, etc.
Due to the repetition, people often end up feeling either confused, lost, bored, or hopeless. On the other hand, Carl Jung observed a ubiquitous pattern among all, especially during periods of development. The ubiquitous pattern Jung observed was that during a developing phase, improvement often emerges gradually and often is a cyclic pattern or a spiral upwards. Hence, the developing phase can often be perceived as an endless circle, but in reality, the individual is gradually moving up the spiral. To conclude, despite returning to the same place, we are moving further up the spiral. Most of the behaviour we exhibit in adulthood is often a result of behavioural adaption, and we often tend to adapt to retain a sense of belonging. Additionally, the improved behaviour often is connected with a fear of being excluded from one’s community, which would most likely leave the individual to themselves. As a result of the exclusion, the individual would have to survive on their own, which decreases their survivability immensely. The argument I will attempt to make is that behavioural adaption might cause feelings of inadequacies, which most individuals struggle with daily.
According to Winnicott (1996), the false Self is often further developed when the environment surrounding an individual is non-accepting or excessively demanding, which leads the individual to suppress their authentic feelings and personality. On the other hand, the true Self can be described as the full potential of an individual’s personality but is mainly allowed to develop in a caring and supportive environment. Additionally, if an individual continuously experiences a hostile or non-conforming environment, feelings of inadequacies and false Self continue to develop. The consequence of a highly developed false Self is often a lack of authenticity, which the majority often describes as numbness, apathy, or lack of aliveness. Besides, the false Self is often constructed by identifications with the external figures in their environment and often attempts to present itself as polite and well-mannered. The false Self is not entirely harmful, and it has to be developed in order to function in daily living. On the other hand, if an individual’s case is at an extreme identification with the false Self, often the individual perceives it to be genuine, which can have severe ramifications. The leading cause behind the development of a false Self is often based on defences to protect and hide the true Self, often due to an experience of being unaccepted by one’s environment. As a result, the individual attempts to develop a false Self to receive the affection they require or desire. The main issue is that the false Self continues to develop and can lead to the destruction of the complete Self, and is mainly caused due to an inability to express their true Self (Winnicott, 1996). In other words, an individual who has experienced an environment that has continuously rejected their attempts to express their complete personality might exhibit suicidal behaviour or attempt suicide. The suicidal behaviour or attempts at suicide are mainly noticeable in severe cases, and the individual might unconsciously believe there are limited options. Besides, the destruction of the complete Self is often organised by the false Self to avoid obliteration of the true Self. Besides, the destruction of the complete Self also entails the annihilation of both the false and authentic Self. However, suicidal attempts are often believed to be the only method to prevent the continued existence of the false Self and might be due to a failure to protect the true Self from insult (Winnicott, 1996). In other words, if an individual continuously experiences rejection from their environment when they attempt to express themselves genuinely, they will most likely develop an ingenuine personality that can lead to self-harm. The development of the false self is often due to the environment being unable to adapt to the individual, which often leads to individual adjustment. On the other hand, these continuous behaviour adaptions might lead to the individual experiencing feelings of inadequacy due to extreme encounters with rejection when attempting to express themselves authentically. Additionally, the individual might perceive that they are only accepted, cared for, supported, and loved when they behave in a specific manner that might have gained their environment’s approval. However, the experience of being cared for or supported when behaving in a specific manner might lead to severe feelings of inadequacies or, eventually, mental illnesses. The issue with experiencing approval, support, affection, or love only when we behave acceptably is that we are forced to identify with the persona, which is not entirely negative and has benefits in operating in social settings. Nevertheless, an over-emphasis on the development of the persona often leaves us with a lack of acceptance, affection, and love for ourselves. Hence, we learn that the only aspect of us worthy of love is the persona, and we forget that love is not supposed to be conditional or limited to specifics. On the other hand, love is supposed to be unconditional and should especially be experienced when we demonstrate other aspects of our personality or Self. Hence, an increase in self-acceptance might lead us to develop a more authentic Self, which can help combat feelings of inadequacies but, most importantly, aliveness. Last of all, we are supposed to experience affection, support, and love for the aspects we might consider faulty or inadequate. For example, suppose an individual is challenged by some mental disorder, physical disorder, or self-esteem issues. In that case, they should be taught to increase their level of self-acceptance, which might combat a continuous need for external validation through rigorous self-development. Hence, the individual might develop a capacity for self-compassion but simultaneously be capable of providing some of the support, affection, and love they might desire. Winnicott, D.W. (1990). The Maturational Processes and the Facilitating Environment: Studies in the Theory of Emotional Development. London: Routledge. https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0946439842/?coliid=ICTCSDSC4A5QA&colid=2JTA8AJICQ3ZI&psc=1&ref_=lv_ov_lig_dp_it#detailBullets_feature_div Over the past couple of years, the majority of life’s chores have been perceived as an obligation and often led to negative associations with tasks that had to be executed. Consequently, I noticed that we often feel insanely discouraged to perform mundane tasks and that these tasks lead to some individuals' negative emotional states. The bitter truth is that life is mainly filled with tedious incremental tasks, and often these tasks are necessary for our wellbeing. For example, doing laundry, taxes, or even working out are tasks that need to be performed, but our perception often dictates our emotional state. On the other hand, if we choose a negative perception that emphasises more on the burdens, which leads to perceiving the task as a chore or something an individual has to do. Hence, we often tend to enter a negative thought spiral that further decreases our emotional state.
The other choice when performing these mundane tasks is to remind ourselves that we get to do them. Besides, the change in perspective might lead to a more positive spiral of thought and might even help us perform these tedious tasks more efficiently or increase our mood. In other words, I am proposing that we shift our focus from perceiving duties or tasks as obligations that must be performed; instead, we should perceive these tasks as opportunities. The change of perspective might be challenging at the beginning but often improves our emotional state, which I can oblige to because of the results in my emotional state after a shift of perspective. Lastly, the shift of perspective will require continuous effort, awareness, and practice. How to change your perspective
The new age community often promotes the idea of synchronicity but often forgets that it operates alongside the law of causality. Mainly, our lives are governed by the law of cause and effect, which is simply an emphasise that every change or outcome is a consequence of an action, behaviour, or has a cause. Besides, these changes or outcomes often originate from some comprehendible and traceable source. On the other hand, the concept of synchronicity refers to two acausal events emerging simultaneously and often significantly impacts an individual's psychic state. Specifically, synchronicity often challenges or ruptures an individual's frequent thought patterns, which often leads to a more comprehensive perspective being developed.
Synchronicity originally came after Jung's fascination with a book from ancient Chinese civilisation called the I-Ching or Book of Changes. The I-Ching was and is still used during different types of divination. Divination can be described as practices that might allow insights or predict future events and often reveal hidden or forgotten knowledge to support someone's progress on their journey. On the other hand, the I-Ching is often used to guide people to live more ethical lives, which is often forgotten in the current new age community. The I-Ching has been an essential guide for several millennials and often advocates that each aspect of reality is intertwined and continuously influencing each other. As a result, every state and 'thing' is perceived as in constant change and growth. Besides, the ancient Chinese proposed that each aspect of reality was governed by masculine and feminine elements, which are continuously fluctuating. Lastly, these elements are also known as Yin and Yang and can be found in several other books, texts, etc. As mentioned in the previous paragraph, Jung developed a fascination for the I-Ching and frequently experienced external events that matched his psychological state or inner world. Additionally, these events emerged even more frequently, which led him to develop the idea of synchronicity. Hence, Jung proposed that these acausal events or meaningful coincidences continuously occur. On the other hand, synchronicity might contribute to combating extreme scientific rationalism and creates a space for other phenomenological ideas. Besides, synchronicity might be a holistic concept that considers an individual's level of consciousness and internal world alongside external events. As a result, these events rupture an individual's habitual thinking and help the individual gain a more comprehensive perspective on themselves and the world. Based on personal experience, synchronicity often emerges when masculine and feminine elements are engaged in a process that requires correct actions, behaviour, thinking, etc. Mainly, I have learned that coherence should be a priority if one desires a life of grace and simplicity, which is often impossible due to our hectic modern lives. In order to experience synchronicity, one has to engage both in the internal and external world, and mainly it is complementary to the law of cause and effect. In other words, we have to engage in the external world and take appropriate actions, which Jung has emphasised several times. Additionally, I propose that synchronicities often function as transcendent functions, contributing to uniting opposing elements to acquire greater psychic balance. Transcendent functions often emerge to support an individual transition from one psychic state to a more comprehensive state and are executed through a mutual confrontation of opposing elements. Lastly, Jung also emphasised that the individual has to engage in both worlds to experience such events or transitions, and if someone is either excessively inactive or irresponsible, they will never experience these events. One of the challenging aspects of being a member of the current modern society is the amount of focus is put on negative events, people, etc. The heavy emphasis on these negative factors combined with our innate negativity bias can lead to further cognitive distortion or catastrophizing. Cognitive distortion can be described as an unconscious reoccurring pattern and frequent inaccurate thoughts and is often connected to our negativity bias. Besides, the negativity bias often leads our minds to give more psychological significance to undesirable experiences. As a result of the negativity bias, individuals often end up becoming more aware of negative stimuli and events. Additionally, the individual might become trapped in rumination of the previous events, which will only perpetuate the same patterns.
The negativity bias is also innate and a part of human evolution, which often was based on survival. Furthermore, the tendency to focus on survival also led to putting more emphasis on negative and dangerous situations and often could be determining factors to survival. Additionally, individuals that were more attuned or aware of threats often improved their ability to survive. Consequently, these negative habitual patterns of thought were often inherited through genes to survive and become more attentive to threats and dangers. Lastly, an evolutionary perspective helps to comprehend our innate pattern to ruminate on negative occurrences rather than beneficial ones, which is often a safety mechanism and defence to keep us safe. As mentioned in the previous paragraph, the negativity bias is innate and often even emerges in the early stages of life. Specifically, the negativity bias emerges during infancy and further develops throughout an individual’s life. For example, the infants often display their negativity bias during their social evaluation of individuals that are dissimilar to them or even unknowns, which is often observable in three early months of their lives. However, in the current society, constant worry or high alertness is often unnecessary and often related to our ancestors’ survival, which depends on predicting dangers and threats. Besides, research has shown that our negativity bias can often influence our thought patterns, responses, and feelings. As a result of the influence, an individual might experience the negative bias being evident in one’s relationships, choices, and the perception of other individuals. Disclaimer, the negativity bias often significantly impacts our relationships, especially our intimate relationships. The main factor in becoming aware is the anticipation of something negative from our partner, which leads to establishing defences before an argument or interaction. Habits to Incorporate to Combat the Negativity Bias 1.Develop Metacognition
iOne of the most important individuals in my life has been my father, and he has had a significant impact on the development of my character. The relationship between my father and I have been highly turbulent due to several conflicts, which often were about our opposing approaches to life. My father always appeared to be occupied with his career and exhibited some narcissistic traits. As a result, he often was absent during important moments or never found out about any significant events, meetings, etc. I often did not invite him because I was afraid of disappointing him or him ridiculing me in front of others.
My father's demands and standards were high, and often I would find myself disappointing him continuously. The disappointment was often caused by a subpar performance, which led to some consequences and often, it would be some form of punishment instead of attempting to understand. The lack of care and nurture made me a misled and furious adolescent, which, combined with the educational institute approaches, further perpetuated the same behaviour and patterns. Despite my resentment and rebellious behaviour, I was still able to do decent in school and went on to university. On the other hand, after my early twenties, I was genuinely into self-development and attempting to become healthier. The self-development journey led to visiting and participating in most forms of therapies, workshops, programs, books, etc. Later on, I had to choose a specific field to study, which led to my current degree because it contained several modules about Carl Gustav Jung. Due to my interest in eastern philosophies and spirituality Carl Jung has been a significant character and has been as important as my spiritual teachers. Nevertheless, my degree and healing journey has led to a complete identity shift and significant personal growth. The growth has led to an increase in emotional and intellectual maturity and has been a significant factor in my father's reconciliation. The reconciliation of our relationship has been a demanding but incredible journey. Additionally, my degree and interest in self-development have contributed to a greater level of understanding of other individuals, especially my father. Besides, the degree and other forms of education have led to me prioritising unconditional love and being able to forgive myself and other individuals. Disclaimer, I have been working on myself for about ten years to this point, which has come with several turbulent experiences, and nothing has ever been ideal or perfect. Nevertheless, I can finally understand both of my parents, but mostly my father, and how much he had to be independent in his early stages of development. The man had several responsibilities and often lacked adequate support throughout his life, which was never fair to him. Additionally, he was subjected to the same behaviour exhibited by his father and was only unconsciously playing out learnt patterns. Besides, I finally realised that my father desired a relationship with a caring and nurturing individual, which he never had in his life. The process of forgiveness was challenging and required me to deal with the emotional residue connected to my father. Lastly, I realised that he never was an antagonist because numerous events did exist where he was a healthy father figure. My father was never an antagonist or a protagonist, but he was an individual who attempted his best based on his level of consciousness. The main challenge was that he was unconscious and lacked a proper support system around him to become a healthier individual. On the other hand, I was being called to become that figure or individual that my parents lacked in their lives, and I can admit that the journey has been extremely difficult. The calling or vocation originated from an archetype referred to as the Self, which demanded that I become the reliable, nurturing, and mature individual my family was in desperate need of (to my older sis if you are reading this, sorry, but we both know I am the favourite and the best 😊). Over the past years, I have been able to become that reliable, nurturing, and mature individual. However, the process was far from quick but completely worth each second because it fills my heart with joy to see the current affectionate and great family environment. The enjoyment I receive from seeing both my parents and older sister in a healthier place than before is better than any external superficial achievement. To be clear, just because I am writing such a post does not mean I do not have boundaries and that I am willing to tolerate anything. In other words, do not mistake my nurturing and caring behaviour as a foolishness or that you can treat me in any manner you like. 😊 The relationship between my father and I have exceeded the ordinary father and son dynamic. Additionally, I finally see him as a friend I cherish profoundly and have unconditional love for because our relationship is beyond father and son. My father is finally receiving the care, nurture, and support he needs, and it is coming from his favourite child, me (sorry, sis). Last of all, do not assume that I expect others to take up the same responsibility as me because it is incredibly demanding and unfair. Over the past years, the main issue I have faced is over-identification, which often left me with a fixed mindset. Additionally, my over-identification often came with a lack of awareness of my associations and myself. Over- identification can be described as when an individual tends to excessively identify with their characteristics or qualities. For example, previously, I believed that people who marketed themselves online were a little narcissistic and crooked. On the other hand, I identified as a decent or more benevolent individual, which prohibited me from offering my services to people who needed them desperately. The main issue with over-identification is that it leaves us with a fixed mindset, over-labelling, and puts us in specific categories, which in return only limits an individual. As a result of the over-identification, an individual might start to believe that they are incapable of progressing in life. In other words, the issue is that exaggerated identification often leads to negative consequences in different areas and can be highly destructive or unproductive. Besides, over-identification often leaves an individual in rumination about their inadequacies, which can put more emphasis on an individual’s shortcomings. One of my favourite spiritual teachers is Eckhart Tolle, who wrote a book called The Power of Now. The book mentioned has had a significant impact on my perspective on life and my chosen approach. According to Tolle, identification is often the root cause of suffering, especially if someone has a strong identification with their mind. Excessive identification with one’s mind can, the majority of the time, lead to compulsive thoughts. Besides, identification often leads to constructing unclear concepts, labels, images, words, judgements, and relationships that might sabotage a genuine relationship with life or a feeling of aliveness. The feeling of aliveness often emerges when someone can be more present in each moment, which is difficult for the members of our current society. Additionally, an excess identification with our minds, thoughts, preferences, judgements, and interpretations leads to less awareness of ourselves and others. The reduction of identification might lead to a greater level of awareness of thought patterns and other views held, which brings more presence and stillness. Consequently, an individual that is able to lessen their identification with various matters might be able to adopt a growth mindset easier, which is beneficial for our progression in life. However, the power of presence leads to emotional releases and required to obtain more growth. Solutions! 1. Soul-Sabbaticals - Once a week, sit still with your eyes open for at least fifteen minutes with the alarm clock on, but accept everything that might emerge from sadness, grief, irritation, etc. 2. Isha Kriya Meditation - The Isha Kriya meditation is the most conducive method for beginners to become stiller and more conscious. Disclaimer, be open to the process instead of judging or denying. 3. Set up Five Alarms Throughout the Day to Focus on Your Breath - Our breath is the most potent tool for embodying more presence. Remember to breathe through your diaphragm or deep belly breathing. Identity is more malleable than we believe, and identity shifts should be encouraged instead of shamed or criticised.
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