The past years have been turbulent, filled with different experiences and people, which has left a mark on me. For example, moving to an entirely different country and writing in a language that I only used orally for about five years. Additionally, the insane workload that came with the degree I chose, and the excessive amount of time I spent translating and finding the definitions of various new terms. After my second year, my summer was filled with fatigue and mental unclarity, which impacted my general health. However, I still received a high overall, which I am insanely grateful for. Overall, the high came with its consequences and a harsh lesson I needed to learn after almost two and half decades on this planet. Simultaneously, I became aware of the insanely critical and judgemental internal dialogue that both sabotaged and dominated my life, which can be labelled as the superego or inner critic. Nevertheless, I had no solutions for getting rid of this insane compulsive, judgemental, and punishing aspect of myself.
Self-compassion, a concept I have been ridiculing over the past decade, primarily due to the influence of my previous insane environment and social group. The thought of being self-compassionate almost disgusted me because I have been taught to be strict and critical, especially towards myself. Also, I honestly believed that getting further in life required disciplining myself, and in this context, discipline was associated with punishing myself. On the other side, when I began incorporating self-compassion, there was a battle with the inner-critic/ superego, which was difficult to balance at first. After two years of attempting to incorporate self-compassion, I have finally reduced the insane and toxic side of the inner critic. To my surprise, I have actually become more productive and less anxious due to self-compassion, but self-compassion or compassion, in general, is not often taught to us.
The question I struggled to answer was how someone can become self-compassionate, which seemed senseless for me at first. However, I found out that several other people struggled with self-compassion and that most are unaware of self-compassion in general. Nonetheless, how was I able to incorporate self-compassion? Well, my journey began with a simple twenty-minute meditation that focused upon self-forgiveness and forgiveness of others, which is most likely difficult for each one of us. The meditation began with a visualisation practice where I had to imagine a younger version of myself and attempt to create a safe holding environment for him. Additionally, attempting to nourish and educate him about his behaviours, experiences, etc. As a result of the practice, some emotional releases began, and I had excluded any self-judgments to make it a sufficient holding environment. On the other side, I had to choose people from the past that I had to forgive and required honesty about my feelings. Lastly, I hope you implement self-compassion, and I will share the link to the meditation!
I feel like Oprah!